I was chatting to a friend, with MS, this week and was shocked and saddened when she told me her partner regularly told her she’d ruined his life. I couldn’t help thinking about The Husband and how lucky I am that he doesn’t feel the same but this got me thinking; maybe he does feel like that about me and my MS and he’s just not as good at sharing how he feels?
The Husband works so hard for our family, washing, cooking, shopping and ferrying children about. He also works as an off-course bookmaker so this time of year is busy what with Ascot and The World Cup but he never complains, he’s one of these people who has to keep busy which is handy really given his lot! How does he really feel though? I asked him the other night if I’d ruined his life and he just laughed and said, “no babe”, so who knows!
There’s been a lot written about MS and relationships, The MS Trust and MS Society have publications discussing this topic but perhaps it just boils down to how strongly you feel about each other before MS Strikes.
I asked the muMS on Facebook, expecting to get a lot of negative responses about how rubbish their relationships were but I was wrong. There were one or two horror stories of husbands buggering off at the first hint of illness but mostly people were positive. There seems to be an army of supportive, loving men out there who love their partners but hate MS.
Twitter is also filled with similar stories, one person I follow cared for his wife till she died last year. It’s so obvious how much he adored her and hated seeing her suffer so much. There are also female carers out there doing a fantastic job while their loved ones disintegrate slowly in front of them.
The Husband and I have always been a team, sharing decisions and responsibilities together. Even though there are lots of things I can’t physically do any more there are also lots of things I can. I’m always in charge of reading and homework, for example, I keep on top of anything to do with School or nursery and bark instructions at The Husband when needed.
He seems happy enough and proud of our family and although he’s not demonstrative I know he’s got my back. He makes sure I eat properly and has been loosely following the Wahls Protocol himself as a result! He’s always supportive and does what he can to make things easier for me so I’ll have to trust that he sticks around because he wants to.
What about other MSers? How does your partner make you feel? Are they supportive or hostile? Do you talk about it or just hope for the best?
13 thoughts on “He loves me, he loves me not ………………………?”
Very well written blog about a touchy subject!!
A very thought-provoking article. My wife is generally supportive but, I know she gets frustrated and is left to do all the work. I would be lost without her and I would not question her devotion, too often.
Old Man with MS
Thanks for your comment! I feel so guilty sometimes but what can you do? We’re very lucky to have supportive partners so we owe it to them to be positive and proactive!
I just give my wife plenty of “her” time and allow her to watch any show she wants… I get lifetime of love and support. 😉
That’s the secret!
Yeah anyone you look at it the stress we place on our partners is immense.
You’re right but we owe it to them to remain positive and proactive I think! Don’t give in a feel like a victim
I rely a great deal on my wife. She understands, I think, what MS is. She does get frustrated but, I wouldn’t question her devotion, too often.
Old Man with MS @gonzoid
So agree I’ve had an ex-wife, girlfriends, and crushes tell me they could deal with MS if it became severe. Luckily I’m now married to someone who loves me and will stay with me even if it means one day she will have to wipe my ass.
Horrible thought but well said! We’re so lucky to have such supportive other halves!
I was married for twelve years. Diagnosed in our fifth year of marriage. There was a gradual decline in our relationship and I left two years ago. He took everything and I left with nothing. I am much happier even though it can get lonely, but 2015 is going to be different. I am taking control of my life and will not be defined by MS.
Do I miss him? NO I don’t. I have less stress and I am happy. Life is too short, and I love my life.
Hurray! Good for you