Being disabled is making me selfish. I can’t help it as everything is always about me. Is where we’re going accessible? If not, will I be able to get in and once in how easy is it to get to the loo and out again when it’s time to go home?
Then there’s the scooter; is it charged enough? Can we get it in and out of the car ok? Are there stairs where we’re going?
Long gone are the days of spontaneity, everything now has to be planned and thought about well in advance and every decision revolves around me and what I need.
It gets me down as I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could put other people first and not care about myself all the time. People around me must be sick of it too. I long for my family to go out for the day without thinking about me. How refreshing it would be for them to pick a restaurant without disabled toilets or go to a pub with upstairs seating! They make all the right noises and insist they don’t mind but I bet they long for a day off as much as I do.
That’s the thing about MS; it’s always there and I never get a break from it. I was worrying about how I was going to get out of someone’s house the other day and was told to relax and not worry about it but I find this impossible. When I go out all I want to do is come home again as the effort is immense! This, of course, is selfish and forces me to look inwards all the time.
I don’t always feel depressed about MS and I usually don’t allow myself to let it get me down but sometimes I can’t help it. My husband warned me this morning not to let the black hole of misery swallow me up! I’ll snap out of it but I get tired of having to lug myself about all day! Sometimes it’s hard to face it and I’d rather stay in bed with the covers over my head.
How do you combat the blues and put other people first? How do you snap out of depressing days?