Warning: this post contains shameless, wallowing in self-pity.
People often remark on how well I “cope” with having MS and call me inspirational or think I’m amazing. I’ve always been a “glass half full” kind of person and prefer to count my numerous blessings rather than allowing myself to feel miserable or depressed.
It’s so hard to keep this optimism up when having a flare up of symptoms though and right now I don’t want to be an inspiration (stamps foot and juts out bottom lip) I want to be miserable.
I’ve got a cold which has caused my feet to become unresponsive when I’m trying to walk. This makes getting in and out of the shower virtually impossible, getting dressed more of a mission than usual and going to work unrealistic. I need to rest and hope my function will improve but what if it doesn’t?
This is what’s so hard with this disease. How do we know if we’re having a relapse caused by infection or illness or if disability is progressing? The answer? We don’t. We must wait and see which makes staying positive a challenge at times.
I always feel so bloody useless at times like these. The Husband had to drag me out of the shower this morning and I’ve had to beg other Mum’s at school to bring my children home. No one minds helping out and people are so kind but I mind! I should be the one to meet them at the school gates and I should be able to get out of the shower in a dignified manner rather than having to be heaved out by The Husband.
I’m not the only one going through this either. I was moaning on twitter last night and lots of other MSers are experiencing the same thing. It’s the time of year for colds and other minor illnesses to stop us in our tracks and we all need to rest and get over it.
I need to stop wallowing ins self-pity, pick myself up and start smiling again, for the people around me as well as myself. It’s no fun living with Eeyore but for the time being that’s who I’m modelling myself on.
I’ll let you know when Eeyore has left the building.